Who I Was

The song deals with deep themes of identity, loss, and the burden of family dynamics. NF and MGK express feelings of being lost and disconnected from their true selves, grappling with the aftermath of experiences that have left emotional wounds. The mood is heavy and introspective, punctuated by moments of frustration and longing. Written in a moment of vulnerability, it reflects the artists’ personal battles, making it relatable to anyone who’s faced hardship or felt like they don’t know who they are anymore.

Verse 1

"Ash and dust
Everything I care about enough
Burning up (Yeah)
(Alright, turn my, uh, vocals up) Nothing left of who I thought I was
(And then just let it run) I was"

This opening sets the tone of destruction and loss. The phrase "Ash and dust" suggests that everything meaningful has been reduced to nothing. The speaker feels like they’ve lost their identity, hinting at a personal crisis. The urgency in the delivery captures a sense of chaos and the struggle to reclaim a sense of self.

"Uh, I'm stuck in traffic, tryna find my way to a home that I've never known
On a GPS with no address
So I'll follow my heart, but my heart is scattered
Like my father's ashes in the back of the rental after I dropped his urn"

The imagery here is powerful. The speaker feels trapped and lost, searching for a place they can't quite define. The metaphor of "my father's ashes" adds a layer of grief, suggesting that the speaker is carrying unresolved pain. This connection between his father's death and the feeling of being lost highlights how deeply intertwined identity and family legacy can be.

"Probably a metaphor for everything I've learned
Like how the only love I'll have is gonna crash and burn
Or how the poorest I've felt was after the most I've earned
The biggest lie told is that no one should be concerned"

Here, the speaker reflects on painful lessons. The love that “crashes and burns” speaks to failed relationships, while the feeling of emptiness after success shows that material gain doesn't equate to happiness. The mention of concern suggests a desire for support that hasn’t been there, deepening the sense of isolation.

"There's gotta be another highway that don't lead to Hell
A star to lead me through the darkest night like Christian Bale
I hid from God for more than two decades of life
And when I came back to the light, He didn't ask me if I'm Christian still
Just opened up His arms and embraced me like I'm His Son"

The search for a better path is evident here, reflecting a desire for redemption. The comparison to Christian Bale adds a relatable pop culture reference, while the mention of hiding from God indicates a struggle with faith. The welcoming embrace from God symbolizes forgiveness and unconditional love, suggesting that reconciliation with one’s past is possible.

"Erasin' all the archetypes of what people like me become
Since I was young, my personality split like serpent's tongue
But all the poison in my body still ain't make me numb
I lost a best friend and felt all that
Cryin' on his open casket while I knelt on that"

The speaker is battling the expectations that society places on them. The "split like serpent's tongue" suggests inner conflict and duality in their identity. The emotional weight of losing a best friend is profound, highlighting the trauma that shapes their current state. This moment of vulnerability connects back to the overarching theme of loss and longing.

"I had a best man picked out for my wedding
But instead of getting married, I carried guilt and left all that
A vagabond that broke a bond for Boca Raton
Who all along regretted he never kept all that"

Here, the regret is palpable. The speaker reflects on lost opportunities and relationships, feeling like a wanderer who has disconnected from meaningful connections. The imagery of regret drives home the emotional stakes, emphasizing how past choices haunt them.

"I left everything behind but this engagement ring and a frozen heart
I'm standin' in the fire to melt all that, yeah"

The engagement ring symbolizes what was lost, while the "frozen heart" signifies emotional detachment. Standing in the fire suggests a willingness to confront pain, showing a desire for transformation and healing.

Chorus

"Ash and dust
Everything I care about enough
(Burn) Burning up
Nothing left of who I thought I was
I was"

The repetition of "Ash and dust" reinforces the destruction of identity. The chorus captures the essence of feeling lost and the emotional fallout of past experiences. It hits hard, driving home the sense of yearning for something more.

Verse 2

"I, I, I was
Yeah (Burn)"

This brief section echoes the chorus, emphasizing the struggle with identity. The repetition reflects the internal conflict and recognition of change.

"Lash out, need to take a breath and calm down
Try to regulate, don't know how
Wasn't taught that in my house
Kids of my own, I step back
Look at those smiles and feel sad
Hope they don't wind up like Dad"

Here, the speaker acknowledges their anger and the difficulty of managing emotions. The reference to their children adds a layer of responsibility and concern for breaking the cycle of hurt. There’s a poignant sadness in hoping their kids don’t repeat the same mistakes.

"Stuck in this loop like I am
I've called you, never heard back
After everything we've been through, the good and the bad
You're 'bout to throw it all away and overreact
Because I overreacted, karma, I guess"

The feeling of being trapped in a cycle of behavior is clear. The speaker reflects on past relationships and the consequences of their actions. The acknowledgment of karma suggests a recognition of their flaws, adding depth to their emotional journey.

"My temper gets the best of me
A part of me that I wish I knew how to get rid of
It's the issue I have, my M.O
Say I need you and I love you to death
Then turn around and go and treat you like you nothin' but trash"

This section reveals the internal struggle with anger and regret. The speaker wishes to change but feels stuck. This duality of love and hurt captures the complexity of relationships, making it relatable for anyone who’s dealt with similar issues.

"I know,
I know I messed that part up, but"

The repetition emphasizes recognition of their mistakes. There's a sense of vulnerability here, as the speaker acknowledges their flaws while still seeking understanding.

"I know, I know, I know, I know, I know
Yeah, I know, sometimes, I
Lash out, need to take a breath and calm down
Try to regulate, don't know how
Wasn't taught that in my house
Kids of my own, I step back
Look at those smiles and feel sad
Hope they don't wind up like Dad
Stuck in this loop like I am, I, "

The closing lines echo earlier sentiments, reinforcing the emotional cycle. The repetition signifies a struggle to break free from inherited patterns, leaving listeners with a sense of unresolved tension.

Closing Thoughts

"Who I Was" strikes a chord with anyone grappling with their identity and past mistakes. The blend of vulnerability and raw emotion makes it impactful. This song stands out for its honesty, resonating with listeners who have faced their own struggles, making it a memorable reflection on growth and redemption.