WHO I WAS

NF's "WHO I WAS" dives deep into personal struggles and the impact of his past. He discusses feelings of loss and guilt, all while searching for a sense of home and belonging. The song paints a vivid picture of how past experiences shape who we are today. It’s raw and relatable, showing a desire for growth and change. NF is not just singing about his pain; he’s also reflecting on how he can do better for his future, especially for his kids.

Verse 1

Ash and dust
Everything I care about enough
Burning up (Yeah)
(Alright, turn my, uh, vocals up) Nothing left of who I thought I was
(And then just let it run) I was
Uh, I'm stuck in traffic, tryna find my way to a home that I've never known
On a GPS with no address
So I'll follow my heart, but my heart is scattered
Like my father's ashes in the back of the rental after I dropped his urn
Probably a metaphor for everything I've learned
Like how the only love I'll have is gonna crash and burn
Or how the poorest I've felt was after the most I've earned
The biggest lie told is that no one should be concerned
There's gotta be another highway that don't lead to Hell
A star to lead me through the darkest night like Christian Bale
I hid from God for more than two decades of life
And when I came back to the light, He didn't ask me if I'm Christian still
Just opened up His arms and embraced me like I'm His Son
Erasin' all the archetypes of what people like me become
Since I was young, my personality split like serpent's tongue
But all the poison in my body still ain't make me numb
I lost a best friend and felt all that
Cryin' on his open casket while I knelt on that
I had a best man picked out for my wedding
But instead of getting married, I carried guilt and left all that
A vagabond that broke a bond for Boca Raton
Who all along regretted he never kept all that
I left everything behind, but this engagement ring and a frozen heart
I'm standin' in the fire to melt all that, yeah

In this first verse, NF sets the tone with powerful imagery of destruction and loss. He talks about feeling lost, using a GPS without an address as a metaphor for his search for identity. The mention of his father’s ashes shows deep emotional pain, hinting at how that loss has shaped him. NF reflects on love, success, and the feeling of emptiness that can come even when you achieve things. He’s wrestling with guilt and regret, especially about relationships that have fallen apart. This verse is a raw exploration of his internal struggles, laying the groundwork for the themes that follow.

Chorus

Ash and dust
Everything I care about enough
(Burn) Burning up
Nothing left of who I thought I was
I was

The chorus is a powerful reminder of the destruction that can come from personal battles. NF repeats the imagery of "ash and dust," emphasizing that what he once valued has crumbled. There’s a sense of resignation, but also a hint of hope that maybe, out of the ashes, something new can emerge. It captures the essence of feeling lost and the realization that he’s not who he used to be, which is both painful and liberating.

Verse 2

I, I, I was
Yeah (Burn)
Lash out, need to take a breath and calm down
Try to regulate, don't know how
Wasn't taught that in my house
Kids of my own, I step back
Look at those smiles and feel sad
Hope they don't wind up like Dad
Stuck in this loop like I am
I've called you, never heard back
After everything we've been through, the good and the bad
You're 'bout to throw it all away and overreact
Because I overreacted, karma, I guess
My temper gets the best of me
A part of me that I wish I knew how to get rid of
It's the issue I have, my M.O.
Say I need you and I love you to death
Then turn around and go and treat you like you nothin' but trash
I know,

In this verse, NF becomes more introspective, recognizing his flaws and struggles with anger. He worries about his kids and hopes they won’t face the same issues he has. This vulnerability adds depth to his character, making him relatable. He acknowledges the cycle of behavior he fears he might pass on to them. The honesty about his temper and regrets shows a desire for change, revealing that he’s aware of his shortcomings. It’s a heartfelt moment that connects his past with his present role as a father.

Chorus

I lash out, need to take a breath and calm down
Try to regulate, don't know how
Wasn't taught that in my house
Kids of my own, I step back
Look at those smiles and feel sad
Hope they don't wind up like Dad
Stuck in this loop like I am, I,

The repetition of the chorus reinforces the struggle NF faces in managing his emotions. It’s a cry for help, highlighting his desire to break free from the patterns of his upbringing. The mention of his kids adds weight, as he realizes that they might inherit his issues. It emphasizes the cycle of pain and the hope for a better future, making it both a personal and universal struggle.

Bridge

I know, I know I messed that part up, but
I know, I know, I know, I know, I know
Yeah, I know, sometimes, I

Here, NF's acknowledgment of his mistakes is poignant. He’s trying to come to terms with his actions and how they’ve affected his relationships. This moment of reflection feels like a turning point. He’s admitting his flaws and taking responsibility, which is crucial for personal growth. It’s a raw and honest moment that shows he’s ready to confront his past.

Outro

Lash out, need to take a breath and calm down
Try to regulate, don't know how
Wasn't taught that in my house
Kids of my own, I step back
Look at those smiles and feel sad
Hope they don't wind up like Dad

In the outro, NF circles back to the themes of the song. The repetition of his struggles adds a sense of urgency and despair. It’s like he’s caught in a loop, trying to find a way out but feeling trapped. The hope for his children is still present, but it’s tinged with fear that they might face the same battles. This ending leaves a lasting impact, reminding us that change is hard, but it’s something we all strive for.

Closing Thoughts

"WHO I WAS" is a deeply personal track that captures NF's struggle with identity, loss, and the desire to break free from past patterns. His honesty about his flaws and fears makes the song relatable and powerful. It’s a reminder that while the journey to self-acceptance is tough, it’s essential for the sake of ourselves and those we love. NF's vulnerability shines through, making us reflect on our own journeys and the legacies we leave behind.